I want to start off this blog by telling you something that has genuinely changed my life. I do not believe that failure exists when you have actually tried to do something. If you put in effort and showed up and attempted anything, then you did not fail. The only real failure is when you do not even try in the first place because you are scared of the outcome. People say they failed an exam or failed a marriage or failed at a hobby, but if you think about it, none of those are real failures. And yes, I know I just used the word failure about twenty times, but hang in there with me lol.

Failure Blog Post

So why did I name this blog post something that includes the word failure if I do not believe in it. It is simple. People will click on a title with the word failure. But if I wrote a title like How I Deal With Finding Out a Different Way of Doing Something Because the Results Did Not Turn Out the Way I Planned, nobody would click that. It would take up the entire screen. It is a mouthful and people want simple and clear and relatable.

Now let me tell you how I actually deal with situations that do not go the way I expected or completely blindside me. I learn something from them. That is it. That is my entire strategy. I have gone through a ton of therapy and have listened to a ridiculous amount of Buddhist talks, and all of that has helped me change the way I see failure. Everything in life becomes a learning experience, which means it is not failure at all.

If you did not pass an exam, then you learned that the way you studied needs to change.

If a marriage ends, then you learned that it was not the right relationship for you.
If you spill leaded water everywhere during an experiment, which I have unfortunately done, then you learned that you need to be more careful next time. That day was chaotic and probably shaved a few years off my life, but I definitely learned something from it.

Only one form of failure in grad school

The only true failure is choosing not to try. I tell people all the time to go after something even if they are convinced it will go badly. The future is uncertain and none of us can know what will happen. My own thoughts try to talk me out of doing things. I will think it will be horrible or awkward or pointless, but when I push myself to do it anyway, it almost always turns out better than I expected.

When you change your mindset, everything shifts. This is a major part of cognitive behavioral therapy. If you believe that failure is not real and that every situation contains something to learn, then your life becomes a lot lighter. If you screw up badly, learn at least one thing from it. If you embarrass yourself, laugh about it and turn it into a funny memory instead of a regret. Life is too short to stop taking risks. Life is too short to beat yourself up for being human.

I am learning so much about not being afraid of failure in grad school. I have been told no many times. I have messed up more times than I can count. And every single time, I learn something new and I keep going. I grow from these experiences and you will too. It takes time, but the change is real and it is life changing in the best way.