Monthly Archives: May 2023

Talk about your mental health

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Story time! So this past weekend, I went to visit my parents and hang out with my brother and his girlfriend as well as my niece and nephew. It was a great time seeing everyone and I thoroughly enjoy when I get to spend time with them. Well, while I was visiting, I was discussing with my mom about my recent panic attacks. Yes, I have been getting quite a few ever since I made the transition from grad school to the real world. She told me something that gave me hope, other than telling me she supports me getting therapy and such. What she said was she feels relieved that millennials talk about mental health.

talking to other's about your mental health

Talking about mental health is a great way to normalize getting help and getting support. I am all for talking with others about my mental state and getting to know theirs as well. The amazing thing is, most of the time, people will listen to you and empathize.

I strongly believe that we need to openly discuss how we are feeling and our mental state. I feel a strange connection with other’s when I do this. Usually the other person is also going through something at that time and it’s nice to know that you are not alone. I frequently bring up that I have gone to therapy, that I have anxiety, that I have frequent panic attacks, and that i may or may not have some from of mental disorder. These things are more common than you know. According to the Mental Health Foundation, nearly 1/3 of millennials have some type of behavior health problem and suffer more from depression than older generations. So yes, it is very common.

We need to do more to make it known that people do not need to suffer alone. This is why I encourage you, especially those in grad school or college, to talk with your friends about mental health. Talk with adults about mental health and make it less of something that is somewhat taboo. We need to do better about this topic.

talk about your mental health

How to talk to others about your mental health

You may be asking yourself, “how the heck do I bring up my mental health to someone else?” or possibly “why should I do this? People won’t understand.” In this case, I have a few answers to this. First off, bringing up your mental health can be as simple as just saying you are feeling a bit anxious today about something. When you are talking with a friend or someone you work with, it is often common to bring up things that are a bit difficult. You may talk with a friend about something that happened in your life that has been hard. In this case, bring up how that has made you feel and maybe that there are some other things that are a bit difficult happening as well. Your friend will definitely talk about it with you.

If you are at work and you are really having a rough time, bring it up to a work buddy. Say that you are feeling a bit stressed or anxious about the work. They may have the same thing to say and you can work with them on giving each other support. I often bring up my anxiety to coworkers (make sure they are trustworthy if you are talking with your coworkers) and I let them know that I am feeling a bit anxious about work. They are always extremely supportive and many of them give extremely good advice on how to cope. I have never had a bad experience telling someone how I feel.

In grad school, find support

I think the end of my PhD was the most mentally draining experience of my life. Heck, I was already working when I was finishing my dissertation. I would work all day then come home and put in like 3 to 4 hours of work then go to bed and repeat. Jumping back and forth with mentally taxing tasks really messed me up. This is usually the case for many grad students. When this happens, please reach out to some form of support whether that’s a therapist, talking to a friend, or even talking with your adviser. Getting support during the stressful times can save you years of anxiety and possibly depression that occurs because of the mental gymnastics that comes with grad school. I got support from my friends, family, and a therapist. Without the support, then I don’t know how I would have finished.

In the working world, find support

The best part about life after grad school is actually having money. Use that money to get help from a licensed professional. Talk with them about your mental health and the coping mechanisms that are there to help reduce those feelings. Therapy is the best thing, I promise you. It is amazing at how a few sessions can cause such a drastic change on how you perceive emotions and feelings. If you want to learn more, check out my posts about my experience with therapy. I am starting therapy up again, so I will definitely write about my experience with therapy as a full time employee. I anticipate the sessions that I have will be a bit different than when I was in grad school.

Also, if you make friends at work, talk with them about mental health like I said above. That might be helpful. Aside from that, your job may have therapy coverage through their insurance. I’m hoping mine does, but we will see. Covid really helped companies realize that they need to focus on mental health. This brought up a ton of programs in big companies which focused on mental health awareness in the last 2 years. Take full advantage of that.

be kind and talk to people about your mental health

Final Thoughts

Talk about your mental health. Make sure people know how you feel so you do not suffer alone. People totally understand what you are going through and most people will try and help or at least listen to you. Talking about mental health and making it a normal thing to talk about is how we will all get better, or at least will help. We need to look out for each other and make sure we are all ok. Mental health is such an important thing to focus on and I hope to be one to help.

I hope you all have a wonderful week. Thank goodness I am actually excited to blog again and the creative juices are flowing. I am coming out of a bit of a funk which has been very nice. Hopefully my mental state continues to improve as I’ve had a rough couple of months. You can read about the end of my doctorate here. It was stressful lol. Anyway, I will continue to keep blogging and help out as best I can. Peace!

Don’t write for perfection

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Today, we are going to focus on the subject of writing. This topic actually popped in my head while I was on a walk and I wanted to share with all of you one of the best pieces of advice that I ever received and that is to not write for perfection.

My adviser gave me this advice when I was writing my first manuscript. I had read this many times online, but hearing it from someone solidified it in my mind. When I say this is good advice, I mean this is the best advice when writing. So don’t write for perfection! Trust me.

don't write for perfection

Just get started

One of the hardest parts about writing is just getting started. People don’t start because they want to make sure what they write makes sense, is a masterpiece, basically perfect. First off, there’s no such thing as perfection when it comes to writing. Second, even the best pieces of writing went through a ton, and I mean a ton, of editing. You only see the outcome but rarely get to see the process that occurs. Writing is about just putting pen to paper and writing what comes to you. Anything, just start.

So, when I started to write my first manuscript, I really had a hard time getting started. I did everything that they teach you in school like create an outline, do some research, write down all you know on the subject, stuff like that. I was really trying my hardest to make sure I got something right the first time when I should have just been writing without thinking about getting it right. When I was told to just write, that’s when things really started to go. I stopped thinking about perfection and just typed up what came to my mind. That was it. I just wrote.

Was I good? Will you be good?

Now, was that writing any good? God no!!! Most of the time the stuff that I wrote didn’t make sense, but that was actually a good thing. I got words in my document that I could go back later and change up. See, when you write, you may not get in the groove of things the first of even fifth time you start writing. It takes time and a bit of luck to not get writer’s block. The times where you have writer’s block or can’t really write is when you can edit. You are more than likely able to know that a sentence doesn’t make sense at that time so you are able to edit well. That is what I did. I would write one days where I could actually write something, though it might not be good, then edit on the days where writing was too much for me, which happens from time to time. Next thing I knew, I had something that resembled a paper.

Had I waited for the perfect sentence to pop in my head or the perfect writing day, I may not have even finished the paper until now. Manuscripts take time, but they could be a heck of alot longer if you wait for the inspiration and perfection to come to you. That is why I suggest just writing.

Writer’s Block

The act of writing itself will help you get passed the writer’s block and you will 100% become a better writer. I have seen my writing improve significantly, but only because I write a;ll of the time. Heck, just take a look at this blog. It’s close to 200k words which is a ridiculous amount. I rarely go back to edit this blog not, but I used to all of the time at the beginning.

It is way easier to write something and then edit then edit as you go, which many people do. Just write what pops in your mind and get it on paper. That will give you the motivation and encouragement to keep going. This is especially good advice when writing a dissertation. Mine turned out to be like 230 pages which is significant. If I wrote for perfection then I may not have finished when I did.

So, my biggest piece of advice is don’t write for perfection. Write just to write. Write for the sake of practicing your writing skills. It’s how you get better and you will have a manuscript, thesis, dissertation in no time

Final Thought

What is a piece of advice for writing that you would like to share with grad students or even undergrad students? Don’t write for perfection is my favorite because it is helpful but I am curious of some others.

Anyway, I am trying to get some more blog posts out and possibly 3 a week from here on out. I will have time to write, which I have really missed doing, and I want to bring more content to this website. I don’t really know where this writing will take me, but I am extremely excited to see where it goes.

Remember that if you have a question or just need to talk to someone about grad school, reach out to me at benswaringen@yahoo.com. You are welcome to comment on this post or any other and start the conversation there as well. I totally encourage it. Ok, so this is enough writing for tonight, I have to get back to editing. I will see you all in the next one. Peace!

Post PhD Depression

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Hello everyone! It’s been a few weeks since I updated you on life events. Life has been really crazy these past few months, with moving, finishing my PhD, and starting a new job. I am in a place where I can blog again, so that is what I intend on doing. In fact, I think I really need to do it to help with my mental health. I have been feeling a bit down lately and I believe that it is due to post PhD depression.

Post PhD Depression

What is post PhD depression?

This is honestly a really good question. I have read quite a few articles on this subject after I started feeling a bit down myself. Post PhD depression is a depression that occurs after you finish your doctorate because you really don’t know what comes next and you lowkey miss doing the work that you did for the last 4 to 8 years.

Basically, the end of your PhD is very anti-climatic. I literally defended my thesis, was congratulated, then I was….done. There was no parade, no crazy feeling of relief, just done. People in a PhD program spend on average 6 years to finish a PhD. That’s a massive chunk of time for it to all just end. And because of this, I think feelings of depression, hopelessness, anxiety, and every other mix of feeling hits you at once.

The first thing that really hit me was feeling anxious of my next step. Of course I knew what that was, moving. I did it all wrong and will definitely write a blog post on how you should end you’re PhD before you go to work full time. In fact, I literally defended my thesis, moved out of my apartment, moved into an apartment in Miami, and started a job, all within like 10 days. I did not take the time to enjoy my time away from work at all. This happened because of miscommunication previously that made things really complicated for me.

When I started feeling down.

For me, it was about a month after living in Miami that I knew something wasn’t quite right. I thought that it was still my job and the anxiety that came with starting something foreign, but there was something else that didn’t quite feel right. The things that I loved doing just didn’t appeal to me and I was thinking about if I made the right choice or not. I literally went from research, something I love, to consulting, something that is foreign to me. That may have amplified the feelings, but in the end, I think it was just post PhD depression.

The feelings are still here, even 2 months after I moved. IN fact, they are currently at the worst levels right now that I have felt. Luckily, I had therapy for a long time, so the coping mechanisms I learned are really helping out. I know I have a long journey with these feelings though. Fortunately, I know I can handle them.

reducing post PhD depression

What I do to reduce the depression

Sometimes you just need to step away from what you are doing and just relax. I have a hard time just sitting and not doing anything, but lately I have been forcing myself to relax, meditate, go on walks, anything to get my mind off negative thoughts. I have been cooking pretty healthy dinners at night as well as staying on top of my workouts. When I come home, I will often just sit for a bit and try and relax after work. The depression does come but it goes as well. Usually when I am exhausted from work, the depression really kicks up. In these cases, I sit with the feelings, acknowledge that they are there, then just let them pass. Sometimes they stay a bit longer than I want. In this case, I will go on a walk, maybe do some writing, or I will hit up the gym. Workouts really do help a ton.

I am also listening to a ton of YouTube videos on the way to work about stoicism, which has made me a little more hopefully and happier in life. Also, I listen to Ajahn Brahm on YouTube as well. I highly suggest checking out Buddhist talks on YouTube. They have helped me so much throughout my PhD. I also have a ton of posts on this in my blog. Here’s a link to those posts.

I’m still trying to figure this out

It truly is amazing how life really takes you on a crazy roller coaster of emotions. One week, you are feeling great, everything is amazing, and the next, you are miserable. The older I get, the more I understand that this is just how things are…for everyone! No one has a prefect life, and things will be hard for everyone. Understanding thins and being ready for it is the way to fully embrace life and come out on top. Right now, I am in a depression because a large chapter of my life has come to an end. But, when I think about this, I always remember the quote from Seneca (or “Closing time” by Semisonic) that goes “Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end”.

This major chapter has ended and a new, possibly better chapter is starting. The thing is, the transition between chapters comes with a terrible price, post PhD depression. Fortuneatly, it too will pass and I will be well on my way to what ever lies before me. I am still trying to navigate this portion of my life, but I think I will be able to soon.

Please reach out to me or someone that knows what you are going through

I hope I did not ramble on and you were able to understand what I am saying. Post PhD depression is really, and many people will experience it. If you are that person, please reach out to someone and get help. You can always email me at benswaringen@yahoo.com. I would love to be able to help, give advice, or just be there as support. We don’t have to go through this alone.

I would also suggest trying out some therapy. I used Talkspace in the past but I think I may try something else, maybe something in person. Let me link to my experience with therapy that you are welcome to check out. Here is a link. I hope this helps.

Final Thoughts.

It feels great to get back in to blogging. In fact, it is one of the few hobbies that have actually stuck with me. I love writing, which is weird to say, but it is true. I wish I kept up blogging throughout the end of my doctorate, but oh well. It is time to continue on helping those in need and helping myself alone the way. I hope all of you have a wonderful day and I will see you in the next one. Peace!